Dooshy Strikes Back

Wow Chico, I don't even know where to begin.

First a question:

Do you look exactly like Richard Simmons or are you an oversized faux-Mexican version of Richard Simmons... Ricardo Simmons?

"Aiy! Dios mio! There goes Mexican Richard -- I mean Ricardo -- Simmons."

This could actually be an advantage for you if you were able to create a very successful spin-off exercise business. I am imagining you on Univision right now doing a commercial during a soap opera. "Have you eaten too many burritos? With my new sweat into the oldies (La Bamba playing), you can drop a whole chulupa and look fabulouso again."

I think your argument about my vomiting contains some fallacies. You are connecting regular vomiting with projectile vomiting. This isn't puking on some dude sitting next to you at the bar cause you had too many Smirnoff ices like I did last night.

This is exorcist-style vomiting across the room.... and when they remake that movie, having this power ensures that I will get that role.


BAM. Movie star quality poon.

Now, movie career aside, there will be some problems with getting laid while being a projectile vomiter. The only chicks I can get with my power are bulimics, who envy my abilities. Also, 300 lb chicks whose options for getting laid are limited to me or fellow dooshblog poster Black Mamba who likes em' deuce and a half or bigger.

I also feel like you're missing some of the advantages of my super power. For example, let's say you want to get out of doing anything (exam, going to see a chick-flick, going to work, or maybe your wife or girlfriend wants to drag you to a Richard Simmons book signing at the Mall). You can get out of it by "having the stomach flu".

Also, what about getting the most perfect revenge on everyone who has ever pissed you off.....or had sex with your sister in the back seat of a car...while you were driving...and then you had nightmares.... and had to see a shrink... and couldn't get an erection for 2 years... but that is neither here nor there. Anyways you get the point.

Payback is a bitch. And it is an even bigger bitch when it involves projectile vomiting.

Now if Richard Simmons could projectile vomit, then we would have something.

I will end with a quote from Wayne's World:

Garth Algar: Uhm, Wayne? What do you do if every time you see this one incredible woman, you think you're gonna hurl?

Wayne Campbell: I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.